Hi Everybody,
Sometimes a conversation escalates into an argument even when you have done your best to keep rapport. At that point the fight-or-flight mechanism kicks in. Fight is the mechanism that makes a person want to keep talking, to bring the communication to completion. Flight is the mechanism that makes a person want to run, avoiding a situation, fleeing the danger zone.
In either case, the underlying intention is closure! Both partners want to finish the conversation. One partner stays put and tries to finish. The other partner runs away, trying to finish. Both partners have the same intention but handle it in different ways.
Solution: Make an Appointment
When a conversation escalates, a solution is to stop, make an appointment to complete the conversation later. Take a break. Use your boundaries and intuition to set up a follow-up time to reconnect after you have each settled down. If you find that arguing is a pattern, talk about it with your partner when you are both calm. Agree that when a conversation is escalating you will stop and make an appointment for later.
Make a firm appointment for follow up. If you leave the appointment time open-ended, you may not satisfy the person in fight mode. An appointment lets him or her know that you are coming back at a specific time to complete things.
Keep Your Word
When you agree to get back to someone at a certain time, do so. If you cannot keep your agreement, communicate this to your partner. If you do not communicate a change in your agreement, you create mistrust and hurt your partner’s feelings. When you renegotiate, your partner feels considered and respected. Remember, people may make important decisions and perform actions based on agreements they have with you. It also boosts your own confidence to be able to draw a boundary, then keep your word.
These tools also protect you psychically and psychologically. It prevents escalation into a bigger problem.
This is an excerpt from my Online Course
Keys to Effective Communication Offered all over the World at 1416 Universities. To Register or Learn More Click Here.
Use your intuition to create great communication on both sides of the veil!
Love,
Dawn Lianna M.A.
Intuitive Counselor
Portland, Oregon and Worldwide by Phone
503-515-6798
dawnlia@yahoo.com
